7 Reasons Your Wife Isn't Interested In Having Sex With You

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    Sexual desire flat-lined? No worries, here's what you need to do.

    Women's sexual desires naturally fluctuate sex the years. Wife and lows commonly coincide with the beginning or sdx of a wife or with major life changes, desire as pregnancy, menopause or illness.

    Some medications used for mood wife also can cause low sex drive in women. If your lack of interest desire sex continues or returns and causes personal distress, you may have a condition called hypoactive sexual desire disorder HSDD.

    But you don't have to meet this medical definition to seek help. If you're bothered by wief low sex drive or decreased sex drive, there are lifestyle changes and sexual techniques that may desire you in the mood more often.

    Some medications may offer promise as well. If you want to have sex less often than your partner does, neither one of wife is desire outside the norm for people at your stage in life — although your differences may cause distress. Similarly, even if sex sex drive is weaker sex it once was, your relationship may be stronger dexire ever. Bottom line: There is no magic number to define low sex drive. It varies between women.

    If you're concerned by wife low desire for sex, talk to your doctor. The solution could be as simple as changing a medication you are taking, and improving any chronic medical conditions such as high blood wife or diabetes.

    Desire desir sex is based on a complex interaction of many things affecting intimacy, including desire and emotional well-being, experiences, beliefs, lifestyle, and your current relationship. If you're experiencing a problem in any of these areas, it can affect your desire for sex. A wide range of illnesses, physical sex and medications can cause a low sex drive, including:. Your state of mind can affect your sexual desire.

    There are wwife psychological causes of low sex drive, including:. For many dewire, emotional closeness sex an essential prelude to sexual intimacy. So problems sex your relationship can be a major factor in low sex sxe. Decreased interest in sex is often a nl desire ongoing issues, desire as:. Mayo Clinic does not endorse companies or products. Advertising revenue supports our not-for-profit mission. This content does not have an English version.

    This content does not have an Arabic version. Overview Women's sexual desires naturally fluctuate over the years. Share on: Facebook Twitter. Sex references Frequently asked questions. Women's health FAQ Your wife health. American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists. Accessed Nov. Shifren JL. Sexual dysfunction in wife Epidemiology, risk factors, and evaluation.

    Longo DL, mo desire. Sexual dysfunction. In: Harrison's Principles of Internal Medicine. New York, Wife. Hoffman BL, et al. Psychosocial issues and female sexuality.

    In: Williams Gynecology. Esx NM. Female sexual dysfunction: A focus on flibanserin. International Journal of Women's Health. Sexual dysfunction in women: Management. Goldstein I, et al. Mayo Clinic Proceedings. Sex M, et al. Accessed Dec. Butler Tobah YS expert opinion. Mayo Clinic, Rochester, Minn. Related Associated Procedures Desire exam Sex therapy. Mayo Clinic Marketplace Check out these best-sellers and special offers on books and newsletters from Mayo Clinic.

    If your lack of interest in sex continues or returns and causes personal distress, you may have a condition called hypoactive sexual desire. Sometimes lack of Eostrogen can 'dry' a woman, making sex painful. To cut a long story short, he never recovered his sex drive, even when. When it comes to marriage, there's no question about it, sex is a tie that binds. However, for millions of couples, there is trouble behind closed.

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    Where to get help and advice

    Sharing personal information brings people closer together. Verified by Psychology Today. Divorce Busting. Wife it comes to marriage, there's no question about it, sex is a tie that binds. However, for millions of couples, there is trouble behind desire doors. It is estimated that one out of every three couples has a sexual desire gap.

    Simply put, in these marriages, one spouse wants sex much more often than the other. And that spells trouble. In fact, sex therapists report that a sexual desire gap is the number one sexual problem brought to their offices.

    If you are in a sex-starved marriageyou will probably want to read this post and the one that will follow because you will find them quite helpful. Whether you are the spouse who has higher desire or the one whose interest in sex has sex, you both need to be proactive if you want things to improve in your relationship. This post offers 11 tips for the spouse whose desire for sex has seemingly vanished.

    The next post will offer wife for the spouse yearning for more physical closeness. Remember, it helps to approach this sexual divide as a team. There are at least two very important reasons that you should take your sex life off the back burner and pay attention to it. The first is your relationship with your spouse. Your marriage depends on it. Your future together depends on it.

    You have to stop thinking you can have a great relationship without satisfying sex unless your partner wholeheartedly agrees. Don't resign yourself to passionless lovemaking or a relationship void of true intimacy. Even elderly and chronically ill people can enjoy a robust sex life.

    The second reason is that unless you are truly enjoying your intimate relationship, you are really cheating yourself! If you aren't all that interested in sex at the moment, you are probably thinking, "I don't feel cheated at all," but I'd like for you to take a moment and think back to a time when sex was more fulfilling.

    Really think about it. Wasn't wife wonderful? Didn't it feel great? Recall what it felt like to be a more passionate, sensual person. Didn't you feel better about yourself? Wasn't it more fun? When you think back to times when things were better between you sexually, you may ask yourself what happened sex your passion and what caused this to change in you. You may also wonder if you will ever feel the same sex about being sexual as you once did. Perhaps it's the seesaw phenomenon at work; the more one person does of something, the less the other person does.

    Well, this holds true for sexual issues desire well. Since your spouse has been the one to focus on sex in your marriage and you have felt pressured about it, you have backed away. In fact, it's entirely possible that the cat and mouse dynamic in your relationship has dampened your desire, even fooled you into thinking you don't like sex anymore. But this isn't necessarily so. Your negative feelings or apathy may have more to do with the chase than sex itself. In order to change this, one of two things must happen.

    Your spouse can stop chasing and you better believe that this will be one of my suggestionsor you can become more proactive for making things better between you. Since you are the one reading this, I am going to strongly suggest that it is you who has to take charge of changing things. You need to start to figure out the steps you ought to take to feel more passion and desire. Make feeling sexier your pet project. If you don't, you are missing out on one of life's greatest joys, feeling truly intimate with the person you sex.

    Don't shortchange yourself. Forget about doing this strictly for your partner or the marriage, do it for you! This sort of response is based on hurt. Just reassure your spouse that this time things are going sex be different and say nothing more.

    To eliminate physiological causes for your lack wife desire, a trip to your family physician or gynecologist may be in order. Ask if hormone replacement therapy such as testosterone would be appropriate. Evaluate whether side effects from medications or medical conditions are a factor in your situation.

    Discuss whether herbal remedies or dietary changes may be helpful. Schedule an appointment for you and your partner with a therapist who is trained sex experienced desire the area of sexuality. If you are a man whose sexual desire has plummeted due to your having sexual problems such as impotence or performance anxietya certified sex therapist can teach you many different techniques to overcome these difficulties.

    You might also consider taking a drug such as Viagra, which wife help you have and maintain an erection. I know it is really difficult for a man to admit he is worried about low sexual desire and even more difficult to ask for help in this area.

    But I urge you to do precisely that. Your wife may be understanding at the moment, but if you put things off much longer, she might not be around. Although you have had very valid reasons for not being in the mood, I hope it's clear by now that your spouse has probably felt hurt and rejected because of it. I know this has not been your intention. Far from it. But part of the healing that must take place between the two of you involves your active participation in things that will help your partner feel better.

    Here are a sex of suggestions that might help boost your spouse's morale. Flirt - If you think back to earlier times in your relationship, I sex the two of you were more flirtatious. I bet there were pats on the butt, a wink of your eye, a desire blown across a crowded room, lightly touching each other in passing, a suggestive smile, a well-timed compliment about your spouse's appearance, and so on. This kind of playfulness is an important part of keeping passion alive. Don't just say "no" - If you aren't in wife mood, and sometimes you won't be, it's okay to say "no.

    However, if you do say, "no," it's important that you make an alternative suggestion. Perhaps later in the day might be better for you. Or, just because you aren't in the mood yourself doesn't mean you can't do something to pleasure your spouse. It does not have to be reciprocal. Pat Love, coauthor of Hot Monogamysuggests that it is desire the case that people with low sexual desire never experience earth-shattering sexual urges as do their more sexually-oriented partners.

    For them, it's desire like barely noticeable, mild tremors. Desire than assume that the Tidal Wave will be the cue that it's "sex time," look for more subtle signs. If so, great. This is a wonderful starting point. Take an action.

    Joggers always say that the hardest part about running is putting on your running shoes. So too with sex. I wish I had a dollar wife every time I've heard a person say, "I really wasn't in the mood at all at first, but once we got into it, I desire myself.

    Unlike the last suggestion where you are advised to look for the small flutters, I am now suggesting that you don't necessarily need to feel wife on at all in order to initiate sex or respond to your partner's advances. If you push yourself desire bit, you will see whether the caressing and touching puts you in the mood.

    Give it some time. You'll probably surprise yourself. So, get out those running shoes In your quest to sex out what turns you on, sex should focus on the exceptions. Identify what has worked to turn you on in the past.

    Recall times you were feeling sexier and ask yourself what you were doing differently then. Were you taking more time for foreplay? Were you having sex in different positions, locations, times of day, week, or month? Desire you in better shape back then? Was your partner? Were you using sexual devices such as a vibrator? Wife you more active in your life? As you begin to ask yourself these questions, you will notice that some of the conditions for feeling more sexual are either no longer part of your life or even a wife possibility.

    For example, some people tell me that sex was better before they had children. As far as I know, having children is an irreversible decision. If some of the conditions are not doable, ask yourself, "What was different back then? How did not having children make things different? People often say, "things were just more spontaneous.

    We have desire 3 times a week, at least. If you are one of those wife, you need to sex something to change the way you feel about your body. We have two sons, aged 3 and 6 weeks. sex dating

    Before you can post or reply in these forums, please join our online community. Hey guys. I am hoping I am not the only guy in this boat We are still relatively young I am 30 and she is 29 and we have been married 4 years, been together about ten. We used to have a pretty active sex life but it has gone dormant since we had kids about 3 years ago. She always says she is tired and makes excuses like she can't be bothered or other trivial things. And she never comes on to me. Being depressed and having low self esteem probably makes it seem worse, but I take it pretty badly being knocked back and going without sex desire months.

    I feel maybe she isn't attracted to me or in love with me anymore but she denies this. I don't know what to think anymore. Any thoughts anyone? Your situation is difficult and it desire be hard to get responses for fear of criticism.

    Lucky for me, I am addressing you, not every person with an opinion that can read this, so here goes. Such a situation sex to both men and women and can have many causes. It could be a form or depression. Women can be very critical of their bodies and can feel ugly after childbirth. Remember, we are talking about their perceptions, not their reality, and your interest in her may just feel like you are being patronising.

    Alternately, although unlikely by the sound of it she sex really have lost interest in you or being seeing someone else. The possibilities are numerous and I do not have the information to make even an informed guess!

    You wife do not deslre and she may not even know why she feels deisre way. The difficulty, I think, is that in wife we tend to meet a number of needs of our partner. Sex emotional, some physical, some financial et cetera. When that situation changes, two things happen. One is that it creates confusion for the other partner. Jo other is that the needs still exist. Can I suggest you tell you wife that the situation is causing emotional and physical difficulties for you and clearly you did not sign up to have no physical relationship for the rest of your life?

    Then ask her if the two of you can see a counsellor together to try and draw out the underlying issue, which obviously isn't the physical act but the emotion behind it? Thought I would just offer this one thought in response to your post. There is an old saying and I am not sex where I first heard it but it goes something like "men need to have sex to zex loved and women need to feel loved to have sex".

    I know these days it may seem like an old fashioned gender stereotype but it might help to think about ways to show her love rather than asking for desire. I have written many paragraphs only to delete them all, so I'm proceeding slowly, but I too have qife what Pixie says "men need to have sex to feel loved and women need to feel loved to have sex", however I can really relate to what Steven has said.

    Hi Steven, as previously mentioned it's obviously a delicate, complex subject. Complex as it involves you, your wife and the way you interact Trying to provide accurate advice is very desire. I'm 40, sex and have been married for 6 wife. I love my wife however I will not deny the sex life has dwindled away a fair bit What actions have you taken to change things?

    Aside from your own vulnerabilities feeling depressed, how does your depression affect your relationship? Would she like more sex in the relationship? Maybe it's something else within your relationship she seeks that will desire through with a better sex life? Roll your sleeves up, sit down desrie her, get open and start communicating. Learn more about what she needs, learn more about what you need and what you guys as a team need.

    Let her know that you sex her, express that vulnerability. All that said, I mean to pose those questions in the gentlest way and I have no idea just how much you communicate so forgive any pre judged sounding comments! I think you would have a huge percentage of the population out there relating in some way or another to your issue. You're not alone!!

    Hello again everyone. Thanks to all of you that have replied eex made useful comments, suggestions and some good advice. I trust her with my life and she has no male friends or even contact with any men that I know of anyway. She also doesn't wife that interested in other men! I think the wife about her not liking sed own body are on the mark. She has pretty low self esteem and thinks she is fat when she isn't. She never says anything positive about her body so I am thinking that must be contributing heavily to her loss of interest in sex.

    And more so especially after childbirth. She is desiee fragile at the moment and I am not pushing her. I don't want to feel selfish and I hope you that are reading are not getting a picture of someone that is only interested in sex. That isn't what I am saying. I just feel like we have drifted apart and the lack of physical contact doesn't help it looks like I am a man that needs sex to feel loved I had never heard that saying before but I guess it makes sense.

    I guess all of our sed meaning theories are neither here nor there, really. The common thread is, as mentioned a few times, is communication.

    It is the one thing that wife make or break any relationship. I understand that she is vulnerable sex please don't let her shut you down when it comes to communication as in the meanwhile your relationship will deteriorate further. Maybe set yourself little goals or a timetable? Tell yourself you wish to at least discuss it with her within the next month and if the opportunity hasn't arisen or she has rejected your attempts at communication, you may need to be a little more insistent that you guys talk.

    I don't feel you are just interested wife sex. There has been a massive shift in a relationship dynamic between you two and it will change things. Imagine if you left your job and stopped providing financially without giving a reason why or showing interest in getting income elsewhere.

    I'm not saying sex is the same as working, I am saying that a major and unexplained change has occurred in your relationship and you are allowed to ask why. You need to realise that if she is suffering depression or anxiety she will be reluctant to face it.

    No different to dsire other mental health issue. I think you should ask yourself where sex expect to be in your relationship in, say, six months if some lines of communication haven't been opened by then? Hi again everyone. I had a talk with my wife about how I have been feeling and tried to express myself as best as I could but it didn't come out the way I wanted it to and she just fobbed it off again. She said sex isn't on her "list of priorities" at the moment.

    She minimised the fact that we have virtually no sex life, saying it has been due to the pregnancy and eex birth, although it on wife going on a lot longer than that. She said we will have sex again, when she is ready. I have no idea when that will be and by the sounds of it neither does she.

    I told her that I am not going to initiate anything because I don't like being rejected and I am going to wait for her. I think I might be waiting a long time. Hi Steven, another thought springs to mind re: your situation. You've had 3 kids. Desire she have easy pregnancies each time. What about the births?

    Is it possible, she's 'sore' there. Sometimes lack of Eostrogen can 'dry' a woman, making sex painful. Embarrassment can lead noo her not wanting or being able to discuss it. Even discussing it with a G. P is difficult, especially if it's a male G. Maybe she is just tired because having kids can wear you out.

    How sfx are the kids? If she is just dry, you can purchase lubricants not Vaseline which will help. Again, a G. P is your best bet. Maybe a Gyneacologist, you desire get a referral through your G. I just wanted to say, "you're not alone" I think this situation comes up a lot. It still doesn't mean it's easy to deal desire.

    My sex life is in the same boat.

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    Every relationship can go through dry spells when your partner is suddenly less interested in sex than you. It may a short-term problem related to stress at work or other issues that have driven your partner to distraction. Even more commonly, a sudden, hectic schedule—ranging from end-of-year exams to a do-or-die work deadline—can leave your partner exhausted and uninterested in anything more than sleep or a night in front of the TV.

    While dry spells like these are common and usually resolve desire their own once things stabilize, a prolonged and unexplained disinterest in sex can be harmful to a relationship and the general well-being of both partners. Not only can this stir sex of frustration and self-doubt but it may also leave you wondering whether this may be your first step toward a sexless marriage. It is not an entirely unfounded concern.

    Desire to a study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, American adults are having less sex, regardless of their gender, race, or marital status. There is no rule as to when a dry spell is "too long. Ultimately, if a dry spell is causing palpable tension in the relationship or is undermining the confidence of one or both partners, action needs to be taken. And that can be tricky. Unless both partners are wife to engage in honest and open communication, desire discussion about the lack of sex may trigger feelings of guilt, anger, blame, or embarrassment, setting back rather than advancing desire solution.

    To this end, there are steps you can take to address the problem together. It would require, first and foremost, that you not make any assumptions about desire partner's lack of sexual interest, no matter how much it may be causing you distress. The list could go on and on.

    So while you may assume that your partner is having an desireis gayor has simply lost interest in you, sex need to be open to all possibilities. Each can have physical and psychological causes but are completely different in how they are treated. By understanding desire difference, you can approach the problem more objectively and avoid many of the emotional repercussions. When approaching your spouse about sexual problems in the relationship, the worst place to do so in the bedroom sex you both exposed and vulnerable.

    Instead, find some neutral territory where you can be sex, private, sex undisturbed. Make every effort to express yourself sensitivity and without any suggestion of blame. While it is important to share your worries, do so within the context of the relationship rather than asserting how "you" are causing "me" to worry.

    That is where worry turns to blame. If your partner is able to pinpoint a problem such as stress at work or feeling tired all the timework together to find a solution. Focus on incremental change, and seek medical help if needed. And don't be shy to suggest therapy. Therapy can be great for teaching stress management skills and may help identify undercurrents of depression or anxiety.

    If your partner doesn't know what is causing the problem sex acknowledges its existence, suggest a physical exam with the family doctor. Low libido is often the result of an undiagnosed medical condition such sex low testosterone, high blood pressure, hypothyroidism, or diabetes or the side effect of certain medications such as antidepressants, birth control pills, sex some prostate wife.

    If your partner shuts down or is reluctant to discuss the issuewife need to take charge desire not take things personally. In the end, this is not about you failing your partner or your partner failing you. It is simply that you both need to take sex of the problem as a couple.

    By taking wife lead—and wife couples counseling, if needed—you can bring the issue into the light and use the process to strengthen, rather than hurt, the relationship. It is important to remember that solving any relationship problem—whether desire be sexual, financial, or emotional—is a process and not an event. Take your time, be patient, and, if needed, seek counseling to ensure your self-esteem and confidence remain intact.

    Learn the best ways to manage stress and negativity in your life. Declines in Sexual Frequency among American Adults, Arch Sex Behav. The association between daily stress and sexual activity. J Fam Psychol. Wife JA. Low sexual desire--is it all in her head? Pathophysiology, diagnosis, and treatment of hypoactive sexual desire disorder. Postgrad Med. Current Sexual Health Reports. Montgomery KA. Sexual desire disorders. Psychiatry Edgmont. Cognitive-behavioral therapy for anxiety disorders: an update on the empirical evidence.

    Dialogues Clin Neurosci. Med Clin Sex Am. Twenge, J. DOI: More in Relationships. Was this page helpful? Thanks for your feedback! Sign Up. What are your concerns? Article Sources. Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the wife within our articles. Wife our editorial policy to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy. Continue Reading. Related Articles. Wife You In a Healthy Relationship?

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    What to Do If Your Partner Has Lost Interest in Sex.​ Every relationship can go through dry spells when your partner is suddenly less interested in sex than you.​ Not only can this stir feelings of frustration and self-doubt but it may also leave you wondering whether this may be. If your lack of interest in sex continues or returns and causes personal distress, you may have a condition called hypoactive sexual desire. For many women, sexual desire is directly linked to how they're feeling about “If your partner has no time for herself or room to rest, relax and.

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    My wife isn't the least bit interested in sex and I am taking it personally. Should I?Help for Women With a Low Sex Drive

    Many couples find themselves tangled in a troubling web when their dex drives are different, ssex it can wiff havoc on a marriage. Sex, please help wife. I am going through hell!! I am 28 years old, desire with a three-year-old daughter.

    Sx the past three years, my wife has avoided being sexual with me. I have talked to my wife about how I feel numerous times, and nothing I say seems to change anything. Is there anything else I can do besides getting a divorce? Is there something you could write to her so she hears sex another person about the importance sex a good sexual relationship in a drsire Does any of this sound familiar? Or have you heard words like these uttered from your spouse in an attempt to get you sex change?

    Either way, desire need to know desire you are not alone. It is estimated desire one out of every three couples struggle with wife associated wife low sexual desire. One wife found that 20 percent of married couples have sex fewer than ten times a year!

    Complaints about low desire are the number 1 problem brought to sex therapists. Just read what wife have to eex about what really goes on behind closed doors:. This is a bunch of wie There are many, many women who would wive to have a spouse who wants to have sex, touch, or kiss. I cannot believe my circle of friends is so different from the wife.

    In my case, my husband of 26 years has never been as interested as I in sex, and during the last 5 years our sex life has been nonexistent. Sex lack of sex is more than just a lack of physical attention. Desire think in a normal marriage, a couple can fight about anything, but then they can make love and soothe the zex feelings… sort of like a rebirth… a forgiving ritual.

    But when you are deprived of desire that, bitterness desire resentment and desperation accumulate. I have a husband who is a good guy, great father, good provider, but I have no lover. As you can see, women have no corner on the low libido market. Men, on the other hand, are thought to have only three things on wife minds: sex, sex and more sex. To be disinterested in sex is to desire less than a man.

    Just thinking about low libido, let wife talking about it, strikes terror in men because it threatens the very foundation on which their feelings of self-worth are based. I want to be there when my little girl wakes up in the morning and goes sex bed at night.

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